Halloween 2007
We had a hugely busy day and if my sister and Landon hadn't come ovr today, I would of never got it all done! We did pumpkin carving, we did the costumes/face paint, and did Main Street Trick or Treating from 3-5, and then went out to eat, and then dropped them off at church. I have about a half hour before I pick them up, I am sooo tired. Infact so tired, that this a c/p from SP.
William pretending to eat the pumpkin brains (he did actually eat the seeds quite a bit at my sisters encouragement)
Arianna had to make a crazy hat contest for church tonight. The front and back are all different.
Snow Princess Ais
Mermaid Ari with a seahorse on her cheek
Williams eye slits LOL, he didnt wear his mask. Side note, we took dylan too and he was also spiderman he insisted he *had* to wear his mask... he walked into a pole then he finally took it off.
me and my awesome kids
Landon's first halloween in Ais' bumble bee costume.
All the kids together
Sunday, October 28, 2007
something different
I haven't been home too much, there is a lot to do when it comes to getting your life in order when the ground has fallen out from under your feet. I have until Thanksgiving to get everything in order with the local college, I'll be doing gen eds this spring and probably some in the summer. The course I'm considering doesn't "start" until fall, but it does 17/18 credit hours a semester, so if I get a lot of the gen eds out of there, it won't be quite so insane.
I have no clue what my ACT score was, my Reading/English are Ok cause I passed college classes of them, but I audited my math. It was engineering math, bleh. I can't say I have an adoration of advanced math. So hopefully my ACT was high enough for Math, otherwise I have to take the College Test... uh hello I haven't done algebra or geometry in seriously 10 years, minus my college audit class. Otherwise Ill be taking one of their gen eds math to show that I'm not a complete wash. I'm not overly concerned, other than trying to do algebra on a test.
Darci is in town this weekend. Instead of our annual haunted houses, (I didn't feel like going "solo"), we took the kids to the haunted hay ride. They really liked it. William is still talking about the leg, and the tractor. And how he couldn't finish his hot cocoa lol. It was nice to get out and do some fun stuff with the kids. We are carving pumpkins soon since we just picked those up tonight.
I'm baking pumpkin bread tonight, and then Butterscotch/Chocolate Rice Krispie things. Me, Kris, and SIL are doing devotions together, once a week, and decided since we get to chatting so long, that we will make it a lunch/brunch sort of thing. It's at my house tomorrow, which works out since I don't have the car tomorrow.
My new favorite song of the moment is "How you Lived" by Point of Grace, Arianna loves it too. I love singing with my little princess. lyrics here and if you want to hear the whole song, it's here
Another that I like a lot too. I saw Casting Crowns in concert last year in Ames, and that was a really awesome concert.
Timer, Il be baking bread all night, I need more loaf pans so I can just do it in one fell swoop. Oh and my needles are knitting away for the swaps. :)
Thursday, October 25, 2007
is it over yet?
how long until this gets better? cause im ready for happier times already. :(
i think i know where im going to go to college, and what for. basically doing gen eds this spring/summer since the actual course doesn't start until fall. i have to get everything done for admittance by thanksgiving. thats just 3 weeks away.
last years holidays sucked, and i have a feeling this year will be way worse.
for the record, i hate being alone. growing up my bff, jessie always wanted to live alone. while i never wanted to. i like being married, being a wife, taking care of the kids, and domestic things, i really enjoy it.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
here i am
in the midst of a forest, with no ability to see beyond my own hand. unknown the future lays before my feet, and some days are so hard. how could it not be? can it not be expected? i feel like im in the days following a death, a scramble to get things in order, make things lined up for a ceremony, but in this case it's for our future. you are in this adrenaline to make sure that your kids have food, and a roof over their head, and then trying to see what path will help me best meet their physical and emotional needs. all i really want is to stay at home with them.
i have all these meetings to try and figure out which college to attend, i got acceptance into one, but its expensive. and then the other is way less expensive, but it has a long wait. it's hard to know which way to go, incure a lot of debt with school loans, or maybe incure a lot of debt because of lack of income. it's tough. it's hard to know which way to go. i just gather information, pray on the issues, and pray especially for wisdom, and then go from there, so far so good.
i have such a great support system (mucho love to them all). it's great to have good friends and family, you really know who they are when things go to the pot. you learn a lot about yourself when you are in these situations, so far im pretty happy that ive been keeping my focus, and whenever i feel like letting it slide, i tell myself no way!
heres a song that i really relate to right now.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
all week
all week i was so busy, i just wanted to come home and relax with the kids. now that im home, i just want to leave it. jeremy said yesterday he does want a divorce. what a fool to throw away so much, and in return for nothing. i hear we will be better off, i can't see that from where i'm standing, but i do have faith and hope. so it looks like i will start the divorce next week i believe, never done one of these before. financially we are just screwed even with him paying child support, I'm finding myself quite a bit short each month, and not sure what direction to go. prayers for me to have wisdom in my decisions would really be appreciated, as well as my kids. they don't know he's decided, but they have been unraveling since he left.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
hard day
today was hard. :( I'm going to bed in a few minutes so 9 something, not my norm. Im trying to take everything one day at a time, but I'm devastated to have to leave my babies and go to school and then work. My entire life I dreamed of growing up, getting married, and being a mom. That's all I ever wanted. I hate his selfishness and for the seeming loss of a dream.
i hope tomorrow is a better day.
Monday, October 15, 2007
paper pusher
I could never be a paper pusher. I hate paper work. bleh. I can not find my social security card, apparently I need that to prove I am who I was before I got married. Possibly my marriage license would work, but I don't know where that is ether! And they want my high school diploma, which I know I didn't toss but I remember thinking, what a waste of paper, who needs this. I mean I went to Iowa State, they never said lets see that piece of paper. It doesn't really stand for what it did back in the old days, when most didn't finish high school. Now you need a college degree, or better yet a doctorate degree, you don't see many (if any) high school diploma's hanging on walls, proudly displayed in all their parchment glory.
But! If I had displayed my diploma, I'd know where it was tonight!
We had a good time in Des Moines, MIL rode with us because of a conference for her work. We did the pumpkin patch at Center Grove between Ames and Des Moines. We really enjoyed ourselves, the kids had an absolute blast. The day was perfectly beautiful! I took a ton of photos, and decided to upload them to my flickr, so click the image below to view them if you wish.
Click here to view Flickr Album from our Pumpkin Patch Trip
I am working the process for admissions into the local college. I'm signing up for LPN courses, I'm excited and a wee bit nervous. I mean draw blood, wow! I can remember all the botch jobs that were done to me, by student nurses. I don't really want to be the same pain, but I imagine it's apart of the learning curve.
While looking for my elusive documents, I did find my grade school "Trapper Keeper" that brought back some fond memories. My First and Second Grade class pictures, which the kids got a kick out of, my junior high class id, some old photos, pottery I made in grade school and high school, prom photo, letters to friends, oh and the funniest! A booklet of "all about me" from some young grade, second or third is my guess, that is binded together. That was interesting to read back through. The kids really liked going through mom's old stuff. I have boxes in the basement, I imagine filled with spiders and paper eating bugs, that are filled with past memories and history. If I weren't afraid of the bugs, the dark, and all the claustrophobic boxes, I think I might of gotten them out tonight.
And the most awesome package, EVER came to my house today! It was filled with lots of gorgeous, soft, and super beautiful yarn! I received my SITM package, and it was just stunning! No pictures because its too dark and they get washed out, but wow was I spoiled! The contents of that package will be in my dreams tonight! It was all put together by the most generous Kaylee, who also has her own Etsy Shop. Seriously gorgeous yarn! Thank you very much Kaylee!
Aislyn has a doctor appointment this week, I could of sworn it was Wednesday but my calendar says Thursday. She may have acid reflux, and I'm really hoping and praying that whatever is causing the problems can be remedied, does not require surgery or anything intrusive, and is curable. I don't want her to have a life long ailment.
Tomorrow J takes the kids for his visitation so me and my sisters are going out to eat. It's his first time taking them from the house, and I definitely didn't want to just sit in the house alone for three hours, so I'm going out to occupy myself. I have so much going on and to do that I'm just taking everything a day at a time.
Well it's 11, I'm cold, and tired so I think I'll head upstairs, do my devotions, read a chapter of the book to the left, and get some sleep! Busy day tomorrow!
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
heh, remember that song by Bowie? It used to be on tv commercials all the time, buy this cd of greatest hits! I actually miss those commercials, now it seems to be 80's music trying to get the sales. But alas, nothing in life stays the same, it's always changing from small things like pop tarts changing their recipe, to life altering. I happen to be in the beginning of the latter; a lot of unknowns lay ahead of me now. I find myself in a situation I didn't for see, it's not how I ever wanted or planned, or hoped for. I find myself with this great possibility of raising these great, wonderful, amazing kids alone, with a part-time dad. He moved out last week. :( I won't get into the details on here, but prayers would be appreciated.
So in the meantime, I'm just living life, being there for my kids, and spending more time in the word. It really makes a difference, I can feel it. I don't know how things will go in life, but I do know I need to be grateful for each day, and be there for these kids of mine.
Last weekend we stayed at my moms, I had told Erika I'd babysit Landon while they went to a wedding. We went horseback riding, gosh it was fun! I haven't been on a horse for ages!!! Makes me want to go riding again so badly. We got home Sunday and had a Tom Petty "band" with the kids.
I love the way the sun sets behind the barn, I sat out there that night while the kids finished helping Grandma feed/water the horses. I just love this view.
Arianna feeding Landon, with Willis being goofy. He is such a sweet little man.
Grandpa tickling little Ais. She wears her daddy's tee shirts to bed now.
That night we taught Grandpa how to play Skipbo, and played Uno too. The younger two don't entirely get it, they do better with UNO ofcourse. Aislyn won BOTH games! Little stinkpot. lol
Ok we found an orange cat outside our house on Friday after DH left. Now I absolutely LOVE orange kitties, I want one so badly. Growing up I had Trixie, which was my orange kitty until my folks got rid of her. :( Well after DH left, me and the kids were outside, and Aislyn found this orange kitty under our bushes. She later snuck him in the house as well, but we did return it outside. I think it's the neighbors cat, they tend to let the animals run wild.
And then orange kitty #2, this one is out at the farm, I've had my eye on him since he was born, still too young. He may find himself in our home though in a few more weeks. She carted him around the yard EVERYWHERE, and he never had an issue, didn't claw or bite, or anything, just loved her loving.
Just a cool shot of Arianna on the haystack, this was while she was helping feed the horses hay.
Ari petting Hallie after feeding her. Don't you love the farm clothes, lol.
Here are some of the riding photos. We went riding on Magic, this is Dad's horse that he's had forever! He's a good boy.
I made William ride, he didn't want to at all, but I put him up there, and he loved it!
Landon and Mom coming out to watch us ride.
Here's a cute band picture of the kids, the others got all blurry from all the motion lol.
I have an interview to get more information on one of the local colleges this afternoon during the kids' visitation. I'm planning to go back to school and get an education. Earn some money to take care of these kiddos. I'm excited at the prospect of going back to school. Nervous too of course. And while this isn't what I wanted in the least. I really enjoyed being a stay at home mom, and will really miss that, I am grateful Ive been able to do it for 6 years. I would accept prayers for a reconciliation, and for God's will to prevail.
I'm out until next week, have a busy weekend planned with the kids. I imagine I'll have lots of photos next week too.
Links I want to keep handy. I want to make these.Coffee Cozies & Sewing Tutorials
Twirly Skirt
Sunny Dress or Top.
This site looks really neat, takes your flickr photos to make things like cd covers, magazine covers, and more. I'm going to play with this later. Have a few ideas that could be a lot of fun!
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
do you have it?
Joy. Joy! That is what it is! Kris was discussing joy vs happiness with me the other day, and I knew what she spoke of. But today, today, I felt it more than I ever have in the past. To say that my life is not going anywhere in the direction I wanted, would be an understatement. I really will not discuss the details on here, and hope to never have to say anything on the matter. But I can say, that even in the pits of despair, when hope seemed bleak, is the time that I felt lifted.
After everything that has happened in the past 24 hours, the past year, I washed my dishes this morning, and sang praises. I danced around my kitchen, and lifted songs of gratitude to God. That is Joy. I am not happy with the events in my life, but I have joy. What peace!
This is one song that really lifts my spirits.
lyrics
This is one that I really like. "I am his, and he is mine." a great, great truth.
lyrics
And in the words of Jewel and my favorite song of hers, "But I've been down so long. Ooh, it can't be longer still. I've been down so long that the end must be drawing near."
I imagine I'm taking a break from this for awhile, I will continue with my obligations for swaps, the SITM socks are in progress, than hogwartz is next.
"Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away." James 4:14
